An ode to a Nut

‘Gimmie a hand with this blog post Benny….and sure fuck it pick me up some smokes…I’ll have the coffee on’

‘yeah mate, no worries wha…’

A normal conversation between two well acquainted friends you might say, hardly someone you met the once the night before, witnessed getting paralytic drunk and headbutting a DJ’s turntables on his way out the door, but this is Peter Donegan and this is just for showmanship one might add.

I’m in a state of undress at this stage, my mouth is as dry as a well cooked findus crispy pancake, I don’t know why I answered the phone in the first place, he frightens me, he talks quicker than me.

We’re sitting, the old fire in his office is throwing out some heat and the dog is curled at my feet and Peter is lepping around and waving his hands and arms about. He has one cigarette lit and in his mouth and one burning away in the ashtray….

‘You know what I mean Benny, like if the caterpillar wants to turn into a swan , I say let the fucker fly! You know wha I’m saying?…’

What can you do but nod?

‘….just to put it in context, we were sitting there havin the few Scooby doo’s right …’

Is he still on the same story? What?

‘…and as much as the fella has the gammy leg is as long as the day is honest ya know….’

Am I still drunk?

‘…do ya wanna see me photos from Electric Picnic with the dwarf I was telling you about the other night….’

Why is he drinking more coffee? This fucker is as high as a kite!

‘…Templeogue? …..some beautiful trees out that way benny…..’

I’m getting dizzy.

‘….sure fuckin pass me that guitar there….we’ll have it singing in no time…’

He does landscaping. He does quality control for Guinness (mostly in the Kettles Inn). He does music. He does Spandex. He never does quiet. He loves photos. He loves BIG mellons. He also likes cocks.

Peter in motion

and eh , just to put it in context yeah….

Donegan Landscaping |@PeterD| Ballyboughal.net (cause he’s home proud)

‘what the world needs yeah benny, are you listening benny? yeah ok , what the world needs right, is a bit more fuckin context!’

Peter Donegan esq.