How to be stuck up AND get blotto
We all know one or two of these people, people who have totally no idea about booze but throw around these pretentious descriptions of ‘woody’ and ‘fruity’ like they were the love child of Oz Clarke and Jilly Goolden (minx).
When you speak, speak slowly, as though you’re coming to a conclusion. Then break out with it.
“I taste a hint of blackberry just at the finish.”
Either people will agree with you, or they won’t. If they agree with you, great! They don’t taste shit, either. You can now tell them you’re catching a splash of Strawberry Go-Gurt in the fourth and down, and they’ll just nod and stare. You have bolloxed a bunch of clueless snobs; take a bow!
If they don’t agree, then frown a little. They won’t ever say, “Bullshit! You fucker!” Instead, they’ll say, “Really? I don’t taste that….”
Legend.
The Ferret has 5 steps in total and will make you smile!
This weekend i will be mostly sipping on my budweiser and declaring how it eminates of tangy cheddar and really expunges the pallette
3 responses to "How to be stuck up AND get blotto"
i drink wine. i go for the cheapest white in the shop ‘cos i never remember anything about the last wine i had, its name, its taste, or the bullshit “woody” “fruityness”.
cheap. white. sometimes i get lucky. sometimes i just hold my nose and drink it quicker…
Aye, expensive doesn’t necessarily mean good!
The best red wine i ever had i bought in Tesco’s for less than 5 euro.
Did it smell like elderberries? Fuck no! Twangs of cinnamon? FAIL
Great post! I know nothing about wine so all i have to go by is the price tag!
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