Hairyfish dot org

I got these on the email today and they made me laugh…share the good humour i say!

I’m as sick as a small hospital.

I’m so hungry I’d eat a small child.

She had a face on her like a well slapped arse.

You’re as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit.

My mouth’s as dry as a nuns crack.

He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup.

He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician.

As funny as a burning orphanage.

He’s so camp, he sh1ts tent pegs.

I’m as sick as a plane to Lourdes.

I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover).

(when leaving) I’m off like a debs dress.

She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn.

As busy as the Dalkey dole office.

Sweatin’ like a paedophi1e in a Barney suit.

As tight as a nun’s knickers.

I’m so horny I’d get up on the crack of dawn.

I’d crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the
exhaust of the
van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

Up and down like a hoor’s knickers.

No show pony but would do for a ride around the house.

Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt.

I left her with a face like a painters radio.

A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard.

Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche.

As fit as a butcher’s dog.

She’s got more chins than a Chinese phone book.

Not even the tide would take her out.

Mother Teresa wouldn’t kiss her.

Daz wouldn’t shift her.

Des Kelly wouldn’t lay her.

A sniper wouldn’t take her out.

Jaysus, ya wouldn’t ride her into battle.

If I’d a bag of bruised willies I wouldn’t give her one.

She has a face on her like a bulldog that’s just licked piss
off a nettle.
She wouldn’t get a kick in a stampede.

She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab.

If I’d a garden full of mickeys I wouldn’t let her look over
the wall.

Give her a boot in the arse and a bucket of mickeys would
fall out of her.